


The Odd Disappearance of the Brown Family

by CassandraStarflower



Series: Buzzfeed Unsolved: The Fictional Season | Part One: True Crime [1]
Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series), W.I.T.C.H.
Genre: Gen, POV Outsider, featuring my eternal confusion over why no one called the fucking cops, no beta we die like will's altermere
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-20
Updated: 2020-11-25
Packaged: 2021-03-09 17:54:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27580310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CassandraStarflower/pseuds/CassandraStarflower
Summary: “This week on Buzzfeed Unsolved, we’re looking at the disappearance of the Brown family.”
Series: Buzzfeed Unsolved: The Fictional Season | Part One: True Crime [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2016008
Comments: 8
Kudos: 47





	1. The Odd Disappearance of the Brown Family

**Author's Note:**

> A little Buzzfeed Unsolved fictional episode feat. W.I.T.C.H. and my eternal confusion over why the fuck the Browns were missing for a very long time without anyone mentioning it or calling the cops. WHY did everyone buy the girls spreading that Elyon and her family were on vacation? And that wouldn’t cover the Browns’ workplaces! Why didn’t anyone call the cops before Alchemy decided to ask Principal Knickerbocker to do it?  
> also, Principal Knickerbocker's name is Kate...

The episode begins as normal. 

“This week on Buzzfeed Unsolved, we’re looking at the disappearance of the Brown family.” Ryan begins. “This is a particularly strange case we have here today, Shane.” 

“Oooh, sounds fun.” 

“We have quite the mystery here. You see, the family wasn’t even reported missing for _seven months_.” 

“Wait, _what_?” 

“Let’s get into it.” 

“The Brown family were a perfectly ordinary family of three, consisting of Thomas Brown, 35, an office worker, Eleanor Brown, 34, also an office worker, and Elyon Brown, 13. They lived in Heatherfield, California, a seaside town with a beach and a lot of sunlight. They were considered lovely people by their neighbors and coworkers and Elyon had a thriving social life at school. 

Elyon attended Sheffield Institute, a public school in central Heatherfield, and was friendly with most of her classmates. However, during the time leading up to the family’s disappearance, several classmates noted her growing distant from her closest friends and becoming more and more withdrawn.” 

_middle school was the worst_

_yeah_

_every kid’s fucking cutthroat_

_every kid for themselves_

“Around this time, a small bookstore opened in downtown Heatherfield, and several school books for the students of Sheffield could be found there. Elyon and her friends apparently chose to get their school books there. 

Ye Olde Bookshop, run by Cedric Hoffman.” 

_this is important, how?_

_i’m getting there_

“Apparently, shortly after the bookstore opened, Hoffman chose to hire Elyon for a part-time job working at the bookstore. She seemed, according to classmates, very happy with this job. However, some customers noted that Hoffman seemed a bit too close to her, allegedly frequently giving her advice on friendships and lending a listening ear to all of her complaints about boys and school.” 

_ooh_

_that’s never a good sign_

_noo_

_it very much is not_

“She began to become isolated from her friends, and spent more and more time at the bookstore. Hoffman allegedly sought her out at a carnival one day and asked her about why she hadn’t been to the bookstore recently. She apparently told him that she’d been having a good time lately and only really sought out the bookstore when she was upset. Only a few minutes later, her new boyfriend broke up with her.” 

_i don’t like this_

_yeah_

“It all seemingly culminated on October 13th. It was Parent’s Night at Sheffield, and a student claimed to have seen Elyon leaving the school with Hoffman, alone. However, this student did not report this until several _years_ later, so this story must be taken with a grain of salt.”

_wait, lemme get this straight_

_you see your thirteen year old female classmate_

_leaving the school_

_with a grown man who is not related to her_

_alone?!?!_

_and you don’t tell anyone?_

_yeah_

“This is where things really get strange. Thomas and Eleanor Brown failed to report to work on October 16th, the next Monday, and Elyon did not go to school. A friend of Elyon’s, Alchemy Ethel, told police investigators seven months later that she had been told that the Browns were going on vacation. Elyon was not called in to school and neither Thomas nor Eleanor contacted their workplaces.” 

_that’s weird_

_how the hell did they not get reported missing for so long?_

_the rumor that they were on vacation spread and no one bothered to look into it, i guess_

“In addition, Cedric Hoffman closed Ye Olde Bookshop on October 13th with the apparent intention of heading to Sheffield’s Parent’s Night, due to the fact that he had provided family trees for students to fill out. He did not reopen his shop and has not been seen since.”

_so he disappears the same night the browns do_

_and no one thinks about this?_

_even though there’s a known connection?_

_this whole goddamn case is so weird_

“Nothing changed for seven months, until, on May 15th, the next year, Alchemy, Elyon’s friend, spoke to Sheffield’s principal, Katherine Knickerbocker-”

_(wheeze)_

_kn-knickerbocker?_

_that’s her name?_

_yes_

_as i was saying_

“Alchemy convinced Principal Knickerbocker to call the police. The next day, two Interpol agents arrived. 

Agent Joel McTiennan and his partner, Agent Maria Medina, who were affectionately known by colleagues as Big Guy and Small Fry.

They promptly began asking questions, focusing their investigations on the girls who had told the school that Elyon and her parents were on vacation.

The five girls investigated are: 

Irma Lair, 12, whose father, Tom Lair, was a police officer

Taranee Cook, 12, whose mother was a judge

Hay Lin, 12, whose parents owned and operated a Chinese restaurant

Cornelia Hale, 13, known to be Elyon’s best friend and whose father was a banker

And Wilhelmina “Will” Vandom, whose mother worked at a local tech company and whose parents were divorced.

The five were interviewed separately in the principal’s office, and each had wildly different stories about where the Browns were and who had told them that the family was on vacation. Irma claimed the family was in Bora Bora, and that she had been told this by Will. Will claimed the family was on a ski trip in the Alps, and that Cornelia had told her this. Cornelia claimed the family was in Australia, deep in the Outback where there was no cell reception, and that she had been told by Hay Lin. Hay Lin claimed the family was in Hawaii, and that she had learned this from Irma. Taranee did not have an answer for the investigators, and appeared very nervous.” 

_wait, they’ve all got just completely different stories of where the browns are?_

_yep_

_you can see why a lot of people think there was some sort of foul play_

“The investigators ran into a young girl named Melinda outside the school, and she told them that the last time she had seen Elyon, the five girls mentioned before had been leading her back to her house, telling her that they had a surprise for her in the basement. She also claimed that while the girls pretended to be Elyon’s friends, they actually hated her. She then returned to the school. 

This seems very damning for the girls, but all investigations into ‘Melinda’ uncovered nothing. There appeared to be no students named Melinda attending Sheffield Institute during this time, and no one recognised her description.” 

“What?” Shane demanded. “No one? This girl seriously shows up, basically accuses some kids of murder, and disappears again?” 

“Basically.” 

“The investigators then went to the Brown’s house, and subsequently discovered that a wall had been put up that had not originally been part of the house. They left to get equipment to knock it down. When they returned the next day, the wall was gone, and a calculator later identified as belonging to Will Vandom was on the floor.” 

_wait what_

_yeah_

_why would you bring your calculator to a crime scene?_

_how did they even know it was hers?_

_was her name on it?_

_it was bright pink and had a frog dangling off of it_

_she was well-known for being very fond of frogs_

_i guess_

“Agents Medina and McTiennan promptly headed for the Vandom residence to interrogate Will. She was surprised to see that they had her calculator and denied being involved- at first. She then abruptly claimed she was ready to confess and asked if she could go get a drink of water first. They allowed it, and she attempted to take the evidence bag holding her calculator with her. They stopped her and she headed to her bedroom. From there, she disappeared.

It must be noted that the Vandoms lived on the top floor of a five-story apartment building and Will did not have access to a fire escape from her bedroom window. It’s still unknown how she managed to leave the building.”

_what the fuck_

_did she have wings or something?_

_well-_

_don’t answer that_

“After realizing that Will had left the building, Medina and McTiennan headed for Irma Lair’s house, where they discovered that she was out and waited for her. She did not return until that evening. 

When she did return, they immediately asked her where Will was, and she told them that she had evidence she wanted to tell them. 

They were interrupted by a call for a disturbance at the Brown house. However, they never did go there, instead traveling to the airport for an unknown reason. There, they spotted Will, and followed her through the airport to where they found the Browns, along with a cousin of Elyon’s named Caleb, apparently fresh off of their vacation.

The Browns returned to work and school, and Elyon finished out the school year before the family moved to an unknown location. Strangely, they still appear to own their Heatherfield home. Additionally, the calculator was fingerprinted and had prints that did not belong to Will, though of course they could have been a friend's.”

_wow_

_what the fuck_

_it’s a very weird case_

“While the case is officially solved, there are enough inconsistencies that many people believe that the official story is wrong or a cover-up. For example, the investigators from Interpol never looked into Cedric Hoffman, despite the known connection and the timing of his own disappearance. The fact that he never reappeared while the Browns did is interesting.”

“With that, let’s get into the theories. 

“Theory number one: the official story that the Browns went on vacation, came back with a cousin, and then moved away, and that Cedric Hoffman’s disappearance was unconnected. While the official story is mostly believable, there are quite a few inconsistencies, like the fact that no one contacted Elyon’s school and that Elyon did not contact any of her friends, or the fact that Thomas and Eleanor did not contact their workplaces.”

“It may come as a surprise to you, but I don’t buy this theory.” Ryan said. “It doesn’t make sense.” 

“No, I agree with you there. It’s very weird.” 

“Theory number two: the Browns were kidnapped. 

This theory is supported by the fact that Elyon may have left the school with Hoffman that night, and that Hoffman also disappeared. However, it doesn’t explain why the adult Browns disappeared with their daughter, nor does it explain the claims from Elyon’s friends that she was on vacation. It also doesn’t explain the appearance of Caleb, who quite literally showed up with the Browns and then went to school with Elyon for the remainder of the school year.” 

_yeah that is weird_

_huh_

_it’s all very weird_

“Theory number three: aliens.”

_fuck you ryan_

_no_

_no hear me out_

_i have actual evidence this time_

_oh really_

_do you_

“One investigator, Raphael Sylla, claims that Elyon and her parents are aliens from another dimension who came to Earth to escape some unknown evil force.” 

_nope_

_nope_

_no, ryan_

_there is evidence!_

“His theory rests on several important pieces of evidence. The first one is that literally nothing is known about Thomas and Eleanor Brown prior to their moving to Heatherfield with baby Elyon. They quite simply appeared out of thin air. The second piece of evidence is actually Cedric Hoffman. He also appeared out of nowhere, opened his bookstore for only a month or so, and then vanished the same day they did. He attempted to get close to Elyon, and she may have begun to trust him more than her own parents, who apparently were somewhat secretive about their own lives and families prior to moving to Heatherfield.” 

_this seems like evidence for the kidnapping theory_

_not aliens_

_except maybe immigrant-aliens_

_there’s more_

“The third piece of evidence was the damage done to the sidewalk and buildings near the school. There were large cracks in the sidewalk, several windows were shattered, a car was tipped over, and the nearest fire hydrant had been damaged. All in one night, on Parent’s Night. This, according to Sylla, is proof of alien abilities supposedly possessed by Elyon Brown. There is also the report of a mysterious glow from inside Ye Olde Bookshop that night, noticed by a neighbor who claimed it was extremely intense and bright and lasted for several seconds before vanishing abruptly.” 

_okay_

_i’ll acknowledge that that is weird_

_but that doesn’t mean it’s aliens!_

_you keep saying that, shane_

“What really happened to the Brown family is a mystery that may never be solved. Were they kidnapped by a strange man? Were they aliens hiding from some mysterious danger? Or did they simply go on vacation? For now, this case will remain 

UNSOLVED.” 

Shane set his mug down. “I still don’t think it was aliens, Ryan.” 

“I maintain that it was the most likely explanation.” Ryan closed his folder. 

“What, you think this was just a little family of aliens hiding out in some beachside town and ope, look, our daughter’s getting real close to this other weird guy who might be an alien! Time to run! You don’t think it’s more likely that they noticed their daughter getting really close to a strange man and told him to get out before they called the cops, then went on a family vacation to make sure she stayed safe?” 

Ryan paused. “Oh. Um.”

“By golly, Ryan, I think I’ve solved it!”


	2. Brown Family Q&A!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s time for the postmortem!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the hits, kudos, and bookmarks/comments! This postmortem is very short.

“Hello, everyone, and welcome to another episode of Buzzfeed Unsolved: Postmortem, where we answer your most pressing questions on the latest episode, the Brown Family. These questions come from our Facebook page, our Instagram, and directly on the video on BUN!” 

Shane joined in with Ryan on the last word. 

“Well, we got a lot of questions, so let’s get started!” Ryan declared. “Starting from a question on Facebook, we’ve got a question from Annie Reid. ‘Postmortem: did any of the Browns ever actually talk about or mention Hoffman ever again? Is anything even known about that guy?’”

“Hmm, good question.” Shane said with a nod. 

“Okay, so the answer to both questions appears to be a _no_.” Ryan said. “They don’t seem to have mentioned him at all. I don’t believe his disappearance was ever investigated by police, either. And no, there’s nothing that’s public record about him.” 

“That’s weird, you’d think you’d be able to find out where he lived before Heatherfield or living relatives or _something_.” 

“Yeah, normally there’s at least a little bit. Especially in the modern era, he didn’t have any social media that I could find.” 

“Strange. Well. Question number two, from Gramtown!” Shane said. “This question is from Selene Starflower. ‘For the postmortem: is it possible that will or one of the other girls is a metahuman of some kind? could explain how she got out of the apartment w/o the cops seeing and made it all the way to the airport.’” 

“Huh.” Ryan said. “Can’t say I thought of that, but it does seem like everyone’s a mutant or a metahuman or something these days, so maybe. It’s possible, yeah.” 

“Seems likely, if there’s no other signs of how she could’ve gotten out of the apartment.” Shane remarked. "Plus the whole 'not-actually-getting-to-the-house' thing on the cop's end. You know, redirecting to the airport."

“Yeah. Okay, so, question number three, from ellyonearth on the video. ‘#postmortem Have you considered that the real answer may be some combination of all three theories? i.e. the Browns were not from Earth and were on the run from someone, and Cedric was perhaps working for that someone, and lured Elyon into the other world and the Browns were kidnapped, then they managed to escape and spent a while traveling before returning?’”

Shane was quiet for a moment. 

“No. Nope, no way, I refuse to believe that aliens were involved in any way, shape, or form.” 

Ryan looked thoughtful. “I mean, aliens do exist.” 

Shane threw his hands up. “That shit happens to superheroes! Like the goddamn Justice League! And the Avengers! Not regular teenagers! If aliens needed a place to hide, they sure as hell wouldn’t pick Earth!” 

Ryan gave him a look. “Superman? Supergirl? Both Superboys? Or what about Starfire?” 

“Starfire crash-landed on Earth and decided to stick around because she liked Robin!” Shane sputtered. “I refuse to believe that aliens can successfully hide out on Earth! Superman lives in the Fortress of Solitude with all the others, doesn’t he?” 

Ryan shrugged. “Yeah, but if he took off the cape, he’d be able to blend in pretty well, wouldn’t he?” 

Shane scowled. “Nope.” 

“Couldn’t he?” 

“ _No_ , Ryan. Why would he?” 

Ryan shrugged. “But he could if he wanted to.” 

Both were quiet for a minute. 

“Anyway. Next episode.” Shane said. 

“Ah, yes. Next week we have a particularly puzzling case.” Ryan said. “You could even call it _peculiar_.” 

“Sounds interesting.” Shane said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully on Friday The Peculiar Case of the Baudelaire Siblings will be done. If not, sorry, I’ll post The Strange Disappearance of Cassidy Chacon and Nerissa Crossnic and claim that by "peculiar" he meant that it involves the same city.  
> Also, yes, 'ellyonearth' is Elyon, who likes to hang out on Earth watching YouTube with Cornelia. She was fairly amused by the video.

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave comments for the post-mortem in chapter two! I’d love to include your questions.  
> I will have another Buzzfeed Unsolved fictional episode featuring A Series of Unfortunate Events, so look out for The Peculiar Case of the Baudelaire Siblings whenever I finish editing it finally bc let me tell you, that fic turned into a monster.  
> Follow me on tumblr at cassandra-starflower!


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